Chuck Norris facts… What year is it ?!
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When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars have to look both ways.
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You can't name a bridge Chuck Norris. Because nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes.
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Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk ... he seeks it.
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Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.
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His tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris has never cried.
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He can build a snowman out of rain.
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He can play the violin with a piano.
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He is the only person to have counted to infinity… twice!
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When Chuck Norris attends a feminist rally, he comes back with his shirt ironed and a sandwich!
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Chuck Norris doesn't lie. He changes facts.
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Chuck Norris tells simmon what to do.
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Chuck Norris was voted employee of the year by a company he never worked for.
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Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
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Chuck Norris flew coast to coast in a hot balloon powered by a long fart.
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Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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Chuck's diary was found. It's now known as the Guinness Book of World Records.
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Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
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There is no such thing as Global Warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
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Chuck Norris wears sunglasses to protect the sun from his powerful gaze.
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Chuck Norris' house has no doors just walls that he walks through.
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
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Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand while he's sitting on it.
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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to look at a clock for the time. He tells the clock what time it's supposed to be.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS. He decides where he is.
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Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
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Chuck Norris has only owned one pair of boots. They're too scared to wear out.
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Badge wears Chuck Norris for credibility.
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When Chuck Norris misspells a word, all English dictionaries have to be updated because Chuck Norris can never be wrong.
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Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
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Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.
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Chuck Norris doesn't leave messages, he leaves warnings.
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Telemarketer called Chuck Norris. Telemarketer ended up ordering an entire DVD collection of Walker Texas Ranger TV series and 3 copies of Chuck's book.
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When Chuck Norris cold calls, he says "Chuck Norris", and the deal is done. Fact.
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When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
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Santa Claus was real until he forgot Chuck Norris present.
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The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
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The post office were set to release a stamp commemorating Chuck Norris. This plan was doomed to fail because nobody can lick Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't walk around the globe, he rolls it under him.
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Chuck Norris doesn't walk. It's the soil that carries him.
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There are no Chuck Norris jokes. Just true stories.
Covid
- The face mask does not protect Chuck Norris from the virus. It protects the virus from Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't get the flu shot. He shoots the flu.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need any toilet paper. He will just hold it until the pandemic is over.
- Chuck Norris doesn't get the coronavirus. He infects it.
- The flu has to get Chuck Norris shots once a year.
- Chuck Norris has been exposed to coronavirus (COVID-19). The virus is now in quarantine.
- Coronavirus, if you come to the USA, you'll have to survive Chuck Norris.
- The coronavirus is taking extra precautions against Chuck Norris.
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