Chuck Norris Facts


Created on 24 Aug, 2021
Revision of 16 Sep, 2022
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Central Meme
Chuck Norris facts… What year is it ?!
  • When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars have to look both ways.

  • Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk ... he seeks it.

  • Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.

  • His tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris has never cried.

  • He can build a snowman out of rain.

  • He can play the violin with a piano.

  • He is the only person to have counted to infinity… twice!

  • When Chuck Norris attends a feminist rally, he comes back with his shirt ironed and a sandwich!

  • Chuck Norris doesn't lie. He changes facts.

  • Chuck Norris tells simmon what to do.

  • Chuck Norris was voted employee of the year by a company he never worked for.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

  • Chuck Norris flew coast to coast in a hot balloon powered by a long fart.

  • Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

  • Chuck's diary was found. It's now known as the Guinness Book of World Records.

  • Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

  • There is no such thing as Global Warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.

  • Chuck Norris wears sunglasses to protect the sun from his powerful gaze.

  • Chuck Norris' house has no doors just walls that he walks through.

  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

  • When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

  • If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't need to look at a clock for the time. He tells the clock what time it's supposed to be.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS. He decides where he is.

  • Chuck Norris has only owned one pair of boots. They're too scared to wear out.

  • Badge wears Chuck Norris for credibility.

  • When Chuck Norris misspells a word, all English dictionaries have to be updated because Chuck Norris can never be wrong.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.

  • Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.

  • Telemarketer called Chuck Norris. Telemarketer ended up ordering an entire DVD collection of Walker Texas Ranger TV series and 3 copies of Chuck's book.

  • When Chuck Norris cold calls, he says "Chuck Norris", and the deal is done. Fact.

  • When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

  • Santa Claus was real until he forgot Chuck Norris present.

  • The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

  • The post office were set to release a stamp commemorating Chuck Norris. This plan was doomed to fail because nobody can lick Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't walk around the globe, he rolls it under him.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't walk. It's the soil that carries him.

  • There are no Chuck Norris jokes. Just true stories.

Covid

  • The face mask does not protect Chuck Norris from the virus. It protects the virus from Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't get the flu shot. He shoots the flu.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't need any toilet paper. He will just hold it until the pandemic is over.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't get the coronavirus. He infects it.
  • The flu has to get Chuck Norris shots once a year.
  • Chuck Norris has been exposed to coronavirus (COVID-19). The virus is now in quarantine.
  • Coronavirus, if you come to the USA, you'll have to survive Chuck Norris.
  • The coronavirus is taking extra precautions against Chuck Norris.


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