Chuck Norris Facts: Pilot

Created on 26 Sep, 2021
Revision of 01 Oct, 2022
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Maintainer:
Central Meme

  • While looking at a GE90-115B, Chuck Norris said: "I'll take that hair dryer".

  • Chuck Norris didn't join the Air Force. The Air Force joined Chuck Norris:

  • Chuck Norris's son:

  • Chuck Norris was a Kamikaze pilot ... 12 times.

  • Chuck Norris successfully completed a kamikaze mission. Then went to a bar to celebrate with some friends.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.

  • Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

  • Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't fly into headwinds … the wind is always running away from Chuck Norris.

  • When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.

  • Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches … he kills them.

  • Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris.

  • Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists simultaneously.

  • Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.

  • Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist coming out of his radar screen.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving.

  • Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance … once.

  • Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the hole he just made.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

  • Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you are already dead.

  • A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

  • A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.

  • Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

  • All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.

  • Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

  • No one knows what Chuck Norris' tale number is, nobody has ever gotten that close.

  • When Chuck Norris flies there are no Air Traffic Controllers! Only Suggesters!

  • Chuck Norris pitot tube is a .50 Cal.

  • Chuck Norris has no need for landing gear … his balls will do!

  • Never tell Chuck Norrris to “turn” to a heading. Usually he roundkicks when prompted by the word “turn”.

  • Chuck Norris Airspeed indicator just tells him, how faster the world is spinning beneath him!

  • Pilots read the checklist. Checklists listen to Chuck Norris.

  • In case of all engines failing, the stick must be strong enough in order to Chuck Norris carry all the aircraft weight.

  • When in aircraft carriers Chuck Norris needs no catapult. He throws his own jet into the air, then jumps, and gets into his pilot seat.

  • In the movie “Top Gun” Chuck Norris was just about to play Maverick part but they resigned. No Mig pilots wanted to dogfight him.

  • Once an airline crashed in a cloud burst, the investigators found out that there was no cloud but Chuck Norris sneezed while passing above them!

  • Man uses flying machines to defy the laws of gravity, but not Chuck Norris. Because gravity dares not defy him.

  • Chuck Norris's call sign is Air Force 0.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't descend, he pulls the earth towards him.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't use spoilers and thrust reversers on his landings, he only uses his feet.

  • When Chuck Norris is approaching to land, even Superman has to wait in a holding pattern.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't have a windshear alert. Instead, the windshear is warned when Chuck Norris is coming.

  • When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris replied: "I am unbreakable and proceeded with the straight in landing".

  • Chuck Norris' jet doesn't run on fuel, it runs on fear.

  • Chuck Norris has never had an emergency because his plane's systems are too afraid to talk back to him.

  • Charles Lindbergh didn't fly across the Atlantic Ocean, Chuck Norris glider towed him.

  • When Chuck Norris sneezes, it causes wind shear warnings.

  • Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris' way.

  • Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision. He has shot down any plane that has gotten within 10 miles.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't level off. He tells the altimeter to stop moving.

  • Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris.

  • The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% chance of pain.

  • The only thing tougher than A-10 gun smoke, is Chuck Norris cigarette smoke.

  • When Apollo 11 first landed on the moon in 1969, Chuck Norris showed them where to park the vehicle.

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