Chuck Norris Facts: Photography

Created on 26 Sep, 2021
Last Update on 16 Sep, 2022
  • A man tried to photograph Chuck Norris once. Once.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't take photos, he keeps moments in time in his freezer.

  • Chuck Norris does not use Neutral Density filters, he simply stares the Sun down into dimness.

  • Chuck Norris does not need to adjust his lens for bokeh, everything else in the background usually shivers out of fear of him to produce that effect.

  • You can't take a portrait of Chuck Norris because the only photo that'll come out is of his shoe... just before he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

  • Chuck Norris' chest hair is the sole reason for digital noise.

  • Chuck Norris' camera gear comes with "shudders."

  • When composing a shot, Chuck Norris follows the Rule of Chuck Norris.

  • In any photograph, Chuck Norris is the Dominant Object.

  • When lighting, Chuck Norris uses two kickers; His left foot and his right foot.

  • Chuck Norris does not believe in Model Releases... Until he's good and ready to release them.

  • In the darkroom, Chuck Norris gives new meaning to the term "Wetting Agent." It now comes in the form of the enemy's pants.

  • Chuck Norris photos usually end up with Red Eye... From the blood.

  • There is no need for Chuck Norris to retouch. He takes care of everything the first time.

  • Chuck Norris' landscape photo was rejected for poor composition. So he moved the hill and the river closer together and re-shot it.

  • Coming back from a DoF shooting assignment, Chuck Norris was soon asked about the mayhem and bodies he had left behind. "Oh, so you didn't mean death of field?"

  • Chuck Norris doesn't have his images reviewed: reviewers draw straws to determine who will have the honour of clicking 'approved'.

  • Chuck Norris takes point & shoot to a whole new level.

  • There's speed lights and then there's Chuck Norris speed lights.

  • If Chuck Norris was an aperture, there would be no number small enough to make an equivalent comparison.

  • There is no shutter speed fast enough to freeze a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

  • Chuck Norris gets his daily fibre intake by eating those expensive Gitzo carbon-fibre tripods for breakfast.

  • When Chuck Norris talks about shooting with a Canon hand-held, he's not referring to cameras.

  • When Chuck Norris wants to take a 360 degree panorama, he stands still and the earth revolves around him.

  • Chuck Norris uses a bipod - his left and right leg.

  • Chuck Norris shoots Landscape pics with macro lenses.

  • Chuck Norris' soul can't be stolen by photography. It will roundhouse kick it's way right off the film.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't need different lenses. He bends light with his bare hands.

  • Chuck Norris does not take your picture. He seizes it.

  • Chuck Norris needs no tripod to take pictures. The camera does not dare to move.

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