Chuck Norris Facts: Photography
-
A man tried to photograph Chuck Norris once. Once.
-
Chuck Norris doesn't take photos, he keeps moments in time in his freezer.
-
Chuck Norris does not use Neutral Density filters, he simply stares the Sun down into dimness.
-
Chuck Norris does not need to adjust his lens for bokeh, everything else in the background usually shivers out of fear of him to produce that effect.
-
You can't take a portrait of Chuck Norris because the only photo that'll come out is of his shoe... just before he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-
Chuck Norris' chest hair is the sole reason for digital noise.
-
Chuck Norris' camera gear comes with "shudders."
-
When composing a shot, Chuck Norris follows the Rule of Chuck Norris.
-
In any photograph, Chuck Norris is the Dominant Object.
-
When lighting, Chuck Norris uses two kickers; His left foot and his right foot.
-
Chuck Norris does not believe in Model Releases... Until he's good and ready to release them.
-
In the darkroom, Chuck Norris gives new meaning to the term "Wetting Agent." It now comes in the form of the enemy's pants.
-
Chuck Norris photos usually end up with Red Eye... From the blood.
-
There is no need for Chuck Norris to retouch. He takes care of everything the first time.
-
Chuck Norris' landscape photo was rejected for poor composition. So he moved the hill and the river closer together and re-shot it.
-
Coming back from a DoF shooting assignment, Chuck Norris was soon asked about the mayhem and bodies he had left behind. "Oh, so you didn't mean death of field?"
-
Chuck Norris doesn't have his images reviewed: reviewers draw straws to determine who will have the honour of clicking 'approved'.
-
Chuck Norris takes point & shoot to a whole new level.
-
There's speed lights and then there's Chuck Norris speed lights.
-
If Chuck Norris was an aperture, there would be no number small enough to make an equivalent comparison.
-
There is no shutter speed fast enough to freeze a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
-
Chuck Norris gets his daily fibre intake by eating those expensive Gitzo carbon-fibre tripods for breakfast.
-
When Chuck Norris talks about shooting with a Canon hand-held, he's not referring to cameras.
-
When Chuck Norris wants to take a 360 degree panorama, he stands still and the earth revolves around him.
-
Chuck Norris uses a bipod - his left and right leg.
-
Chuck Norris shoots Landscape pics with macro lenses.
-
Chuck Norris' soul can't be stolen by photography. It will roundhouse kick it's way right off the film.
-
Chuck Norris doesn't need different lenses. He bends light with his bare hands.
-
Chuck Norris does not take your picture. He seizes it.
-
Chuck Norris needs no tripod to take pictures. The camera does not dare to move.
Comments • 0